You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
