I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
