I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
