I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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