Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
