I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hippo gnu deer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
