but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
