I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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