Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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