Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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