he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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