Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
