He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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