I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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