Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
