So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
