i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
