Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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