just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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