when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
