Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
