Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and she was petting her beer can
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
