I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
