I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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