Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the day after is always just damage control
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
