Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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