it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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