I wish I could punch you in the face.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
