Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
