porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
