Whod you bang
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
