i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
