More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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