Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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