Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
