can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
