I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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