Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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