She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
