I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
