Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
