I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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