Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
