I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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