im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have aggressive nipples.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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