Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i now understand why vodka
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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