her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
