I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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