yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
