you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
