If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
