Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
