Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
