I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
