The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
