I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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