I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
