I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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