Fuck appropriateness.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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