last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
