in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dick very happy bro
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
