weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
