Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
